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Crunch time here, things have to be sorted, orders need to be finalised and thoughts have to be clear. There is no room for error with the sevens, you have to get it right here because it’s only a hop, step and a jump into the top five, and that you don’t want to mess with. I really hope I don’t screw these up…

Top Ten Movies
7. Dawn Of The Dead – remake – You start letting people in and soon enough you’re going to let in the wrong fucking people.
This was a remake that I didn’t think needed to be made, but boy was I wrong. This just makes the original, which I always loved, look so lazy. The key here, great characters. Jake Weber just makes this movie for me, and Sarah Polley is fantastic in her role. It’s the little moments, the crying, the kiss, that asshole Steve and one of the greatest character arcs on film, CJ. I hated CJ the first time I saw the flick, and now every time I watch the end I just wanna yell at the screen and tell him to do things differently. I care about all the characters in this movie, whether I like them or not I am invested in what they do. After this I instantly took down the names James Gunn (who I already recognised for his co-writer status on Lloyd Kaufman’s erudite business expose ‘Everything I Needed To Know About Filmmaking I Learned On The Toxic Avenger’!) and Zack Snyder, and now we have SLiTHER, 300 and Watchmen. So glad I remembered those names.

Top Ten TV Shows
7. Saturday Night Live
This one came to me and I thought, of course. This show has had its ups and downs, but it has certainly yielded some of the greatest moments on tv over the years. Blues Brothers, Wayne’s World, The Ladies Man, where would we be without these classic icons? I don’t need to list the alumni, but they sure as hell have made me laugh for years, and still do. The host’s monologue is nearly always good for a laugh and Ben Affleck’s offer to sign shirts that he was selling always makes me laugh. I would feel remiss to leave this off the list when I know I will always watch it when I get the chance. It’s proven itself over the years and needs the respect that being on my list will surely, and finally, earn it. Also, Tina Fey is clearly the hottest smart and funny chick in the world. In. The. World.

Top Ten Books
7. The Books of Blood – Clive Barker
Clive Barker is a genius. I don’t care what else you have to say that bridge needs to be crossed first. He is pure mindfucking brilliance. I can’t pick a favourite book of blood, from the six, but I know my favourite story is ‘In The Hills, The Cities’ about two guys who travel into Yugoslavia to find an age old contest being fought. Each town creates a giant man out of all the people who live there. Each person has a role; tendon, muscle, eye, joint, sole of the foot, tooth. The cities then battle it out. Each step taken, each blow to the opposition causes casualties. In the end there are mushed up dead people everywhere with referees wandering with guns to put people out of their misery but still leave that all important one shot for themselves. It was nihilism dolled up in tribalism. It was gory and crazy. It was an image in my mind I would never forget. Barker created so many stories like this in his books that just made me see what he meant. We are all books of blood, wherever we’re opened, we’re red. Pure mindfucking brilliance.

Top Ten Comic Books
7. The Irredeemable Ant-Man
Man, I loved this short lived little run. It was just a product of ultimate thinking. If some kinda normal guy had an Ant-Man suit what would he do with it? He’d watch chicks in the shower! Eric O’Grady is such a scumbag, yet I couldn’t get enough of him as a character. I wonder what that says about me…? He just made great reading; he rolled on his friend, got him killed, stole his woman, knocked her up, knocked her back and then completely screwed up his superior’s life. He goes on the run but takes plenty of time to hit on chicks and be a general douche. I loved the idea of a rogue S.H.I.E.L.D. agent getting this opportunity. It’s the sort of title that Marvel needs to do more of. O’Grady alone made me pick up Avengers: Initiative and I have not regretted the choice. No, not one Pym particle.

Top Ten Songs
7. Low – Foo Fighters – Screws inside, turn so tight
I love when the Foo Fighters go all deep. Their big radio sound is great, and their pop sound rocks it out but when they drop to this level I just about wet my pants. Dave Grohl does this better than anyone else in the world right now. He makes you think, but he doesn’t make it so conscious. He’s just out to entertain, it just happens that he kicks ass at being able to do that. Lyrics that are so simple, but make up so much. Not to mention a kick ass film clip, haha. But the opening is a real grabber and then you hear his voice. He’s talking to you. Just you. So sit down, get comfy and listen in.

The sixes next, my last chance to grab-ass about before this gets real.

Posted on March 13th, 2008 by ryan
Filed under: books, comics, life, movies, music