The Web Haunt of Ryan K Lindsay

This website is the greatest thing I have ever found. Seriously.

Broheims, now that you’ve been there and wasted the day travelling through the many douches of the world I am certain you’re with me. When these douches say they are men of oil you will look at their skin and I’m sure you will agree.

The worst part is, these guys exist. Not only do they exist but they are everywhere. Not only are they everywhere but they are scoring these ‘hot chicks’. The only saving grace is that these hotties look pretty dumb and useless. But they are still hot, damn. How the fuck do guys like this get dates at all, no less with hot chicks. The answer obviously is that these chicks are just as stupid as the guys, so good riddance I say, out of the gene pool with you now. Towel off and go set fire to yourselves. That’s self-immolation that I think YouTube would love. The girls would probably still have those idiotic grins on their faces as they touched the melting muscles of their favourite bag.

These douches come forth with the hats tilted, the mandanas on forehead and wrist, the singlets on, or shirts raised for the ultimate ab reveal. They’ve got the super secret finger codes and the pouty lips and looks. God, I hate these guys so bad.

I can’t pick a favourite all time douche yet. But here are some of my personal faves.
Oompa Prompa: once, twice, three times an orange crush– how good is that tan, and the orange crush call, haha. I love the shifty eyes. You just wanna see these guys at the pub after just enough tongue looseners that you could absolutely school them.
Steroedouchetonic Surround Sound – the write up is gold, the douches are not.
Old No 7 – look at the dial on this bloke. What a freak!
Deathtongue – this guy just makes me cry, seriously. What could she possibly be thinking?
Tighty Armani – this guy just has all the baggery down pat. The smirk, oh how I hate that smirk. Why can’t guys just smile for photos anymore? It’s all gang signals and trying to look hardcore.
Bra – this guy just brings it home for me. What a magnificent tool. You could fix a broken dwarf star with this guy, he is such a gigantic tool. Unfortunately he would also be a huge and useless tool, but then maybe he would be sucked into the enormous gravity of the dwarf star which would then crush his fingers into his stupid fucking smirk!

This website showcases reality to me, and it’s true, this is exactly why Al Queda hates us. This is the stuff I see when I shop in Sanity music stores, or I see dudes working in Supré, or I go for a drink in Newcastle.

There needs to be a companion website: Idiot Kids With Their Hoodie Flat Beaked Cap Combos.
Every time I go shopping on a Thursday night, or just go anywhere near society, I see these kids in their hoodies with idiotic tessellating patterns, getting around like they’re later year Escher lizards, and whipping out an ironed flat brim hat under the hoodie; with the brim facing 23.475° Nor’Sou’West and rocking a coolio lean to the non-dominant side of their body. These kids need 10cc’s of uppercut, stat!

It makes me worry for the next generation, but I smile when I realise kick ass websites are out there taking the complete piss out of these bra’s and bro’s.

Viva la ‘bag piss taking!

Posted on May 21st, 2008 by ryan
Filed under: life, websites