The Web Haunt of Ryan K Lindsay

I loves me a top ten list, even have a link to my right, your right, our right, of the best ones over. It’s the link called Top Tens.

So why I haven’t done this one before escapes me. It seems like the perfect chance to give some people room to shine, even though their surrounding film might not be so awesome, though I get the feeling many of my choices will be from wicked awesome movies anyway. I’ve tried to make them the characters that resonate with me, not just the best acting performances. Some characters blow me away in every scene, some just need one little piece that puts them over the edge for me. Some notable exceptions that just missed out were Daniel Day-Lewis’ Daniel Plainview from There Will Be Blood, Jeff Bridges’ The Dude from The Big Lebowski, Mark Wahlberg’s Dignam from The Deaprted, Guy Pearce’s Leonard from Memento.

So, here we go;

10. Capt. John H Miller - Tom Hanks - Saving Private Ryan

This makes the cut because it is what I believe is Tom Hanks’ finest performance, and it is of an everyday man, a teacher. He’s not mentally disabled, or suffering from AIDS and the prejudice against being gay, he’s just a guy. Hanks nails this role and shows that his character is the heart of the story, his journey is ultimately the most important.

I’m a schoolteacher. I teach English composition… in this little town called Adley, Pennsylvania. The last eleven years, I’ve been at Thomas Alva Edison High School. I was a coach of the baseball team in the springtime. Back home, I tell people what I do for a living and they think well, now that figures. But over here, it’s a big, a big mystery. So, I guess I’ve changed some. Sometimes I wonder if I’ve changed so much my wife is even going to recognize me, whenever it is that I get back to her. And how I’ll ever be able to tell her about days like today. Ah, Ryan. I don’t know anything about Ryan. I don’t care. The man means nothing to me. It’s just a name. But if… You know if going to Rumelle and finding him so that he can go home. If that earns me the right to get back to my wife, then that’s my mission.

9. Chuckie Sullivan - Ben Affleck - Good Will Hunting

This is the unsung part, and Matt Damon rightfully steals the show with his eponymous character, but I always felt that Affleck nailed this, and many future rolls, but one scene in this whole thing is gorgeous and all Matt Damon has to do is stand and watch as Affleck chews it up.

No. No, no no no. Fuck you, you don’t owe it to yourself man, you owe it to me. Cuz tomorrow I’m gonna wake up and I’ll be 50, and I’ll still be doin’ this shit. And that’s all right. That’s fine. I mean, you’re sittin’ on a winnin’ lottery ticket. And you’re too much of a pussy to cash it in, and that’s bullshit. ‘Cause I’d do fuckin’ anything to have what you got. So would any of these fuckin’ guys. It’d be an insult to us if you’re still here in 20 years. Hangin’ around here is a fuckin’ waste of your time.

8. Snake Plissken - Kurt Russell - Escape From New York

This role is the epitome of cool, and I don’t want to hear anyone tell me it’s dated. Russell sets the bar so high no one will ever fucking see it again, so all the other cool kids had to start a new bar. Absolutely cooler than the other side of the pillow. Plissken is everything an action anti-hero should be, and more. He gets fatigued, he has a bad temper, but he also kicks ass in brutal ways. If I went missing I’d want Plissken after me. When he was asked if he was going to kill Bob Hauk all he says is:

Not now, I’m too tired…Maybe later.

7. Walter Sobchak - John Goodman - The Big Lebowski

Walter kind of steals the show with his enthusiastic energy matched by his pessimistic violent nature. He’s got some of the best lines of the movie and John Goodman does a perfect job of getting them out with the right look on his face. This is the ultimate sidekick as given by the Coen Brothers. He’s not helpful and instead of giving across the ransom he gives them his dirty laundry, the whites. You could put together just a clip show of every single one of his lines and it would be hilarious, you don’t even need context or other characters. I’ll print my favourites here, and there will be many.

You want a toe? I can get you a toe, believe me. There are ways, Dude. You don’t wanna know about it, believe me. Hell, I can get you a toe by 3 o’clock this afternoon… with nail polish. These fucking amateurs…
No, Donny, these men are nihilists, there’s nothing to be afraid of. No, without a hostage, there is no ransom. That’s what ransom is. Those are the fucking rules. Fair! WHO’S THE FUCKING NIHILIST HERE! WHAT ARE YOU, A BUNCH OF FUCKING CRYBABIES? And, I would like my undies back. No, Donny. These men are cowards.
This whole fucking thing… I did not watch my buddies die face down in the muck so that this fucking strumpet… Well, there isn’t a literal connection, Dude.
I’m perfectly calm Dude. Calmer than you are. Calmer than you are.
And my favourite.
Eight year olds, Dude.

6. Derek Vinyard - Edward Norton - American History X

Norton’s portrayal of Derek Vinyard before the unfortunate curb incident, and after the unfortunate he-took-some-stitches-in-jail incident is an astounding performance. But, I have to say I am much more fascinated by the Vinyard I see before the jailtime. The angry young man who hates all other people of different ethnicity because of one thing that happened that we don’t find out about for some time. The way Norton expresses that anger is amazing to watch. It has a power and mysticism that I find fascinating, though certainly do not agree with. It’s interesting in that it is scary and that it can mesmerise, you see how someone could fall into this trap if someone as charismatic as Norton was ever in charge.

Every night, thousands of these parasites stream across the border like some fuckin’ pinata exploded. Don’t laugh! There’s nothin’ funny goin’ on here!

5. Det. David Mills - Brad Pitt - Se7en

This is where Brad Pitt finally stepped up and showed he had some chops. His Mills is more than it ever was on the page and every little movement that Pitt gives shows more about the character. The way he reads pages, the way he slumps in a chair, the way he pours red wine, everything means something. He’s a great character to watch take things personally and slowly make progression the way he feels he can. Then you get to watch him completely unravel.

You’re no messiah. You’re a movie of the week. You’re a fucking t-shirt, at best.

4. Brodie Bruce/Banky Edwards - Jason Lee - Mallrats/Chasing Amy

Jason Lee will always be a star in my mind for these two roles alone. I have listed these roles together because I see them as similar, yet also flip-sides to the one coin. Brodie is a jerk, and a lovable one, but he is doing it to hide that he is all about the ladies. Banky is a jerk, and I think a very lovable one, but he is doing it to hide that he is not all about the ladies. Both characters own the screen and I could watch them constantly and be amused at every line. Lee is an underrated performer, when given a script with heart. There’s the monologues; Kryptonite Condoms, Cousin Walter, but I won’t go for them here, I’ll try and keep it simpler. Here’s a selection of finer moments. Also, he also bounces so well with Affleck that those two should be given another movie, if not then a sitcom, where they could simply kill it.

Yeah. About a million things, but I can’t express myself monosyllabically enough for you to understand ‘em all.
That was the biggest load of crap I’ve ever heard. I mean, look at you. You’re the kind of guy who would beg for sex. And I should know, we can smell our own.
Are you nuts? The guy’s pure testosterone! He’s a walking hard-on just looking for a hole!

Because the other three are figments of your fucking imagination!
Hey, I always notice that bored look in their eyes, alright?
Some of them I downright loathe.
What does it matter if I refer to her as a dyke? Or if I call the Whalers a bunch of faggots in the privacy of my own office, far from the sensitive ears of the rest of the world?
Catholic school girls. The uniform’s what does it for me. I wish I had’ve went with more Catholic school girls when I was a kid. As it stands I have no, “And then she unzipped her jumper,” stories.

3. Travis Bickle - Robert De Nero - Taxi Driver

The character is the sole reason for the movie, in my eyes. De Nero nails it so well that I still see Bickle whenever I see the master in action. Bickle has such a downfall and De Nero paints it all in such graphic colours. Another interesting case and one character I would love to know what happens to him after the credits. This quote paints it out for me, ‘other people’, because Bickle is forever on the outside, poor bastard. People forget how much this is an Anti-Vietnam flick. I wonder what Bickle did in Vietnam, that would be a cool story, I’m calling dibs on it, right now.

The days go on and on… they don’t end. All my life needed was a sense of someplace to go. I don’t believe that one should devote his life to morbid self-attention, I believe that one should become a person like other people.

2. Ash Williams - Bruce Campbell - Evil Dead Trilogy

Ash was always going to be up here. Over three movies he has such range. I love Army of Darkness the most, personally, but feel that the first Evil Dead is the superior film. Campbell shows horror well, but his slapschtick is where it’s nailed. Ash completely screws up, yet will get indignant about the tiniest things. He’s hilarious and an action hero, so hard to truly find these days.

Alright you Primitive Screwheads, listen up! You see this? This… is my boomstick! The twelve-gauge double-barreled Remington. S-Mart’s top of the line. You can find this in the sporting goods department. That’s right, this sweet baby was made in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Retails for about a hundred and nine, ninety five. It’s got a walnut stock, cobalt blue steel, and a hair trigger. That’s right. Shop smart. Shop S-Mart. You got that?

1. MacReady - Kurt Russell - John Carpenter’s The Thing

This role is why horror movies are so cool. MacReady is surly and tough and, apparently, misogynistic (because he kills the only female voice in the movie, the computer chess game and calls her a cheating bitch) and he’s got a wicked beard, not to mention he started off the welding glasses as sunglasses trend about two decades before it caught on. He’s ticking all the boxes for me. He’s not completely gung ho, it’s just that he wants to live and he does not want this creature around any more. He’s a hard case and not above tying people to couches and sliching their thumbs in what always strikes me as the most cringe worthy scene of the flick. As cool as Plissken is, MacReady always resonated with me. Kurt nailed this role and it goes down in history for me as my favourite character of all time. I’d love to see his later adventures, if he is indeed not the thing. I have read the comics, but I want more.

Why don’t we just wait here for a little while… see what happens…

This list is compiled with respect to the Sunset Over Slawit for the idea. I will also follow his rule and say that no character who already existed in some form can make the list, so no one from books, plays, radio jungles or comics. This has ruled out quite a few like; Henry Hill, Tyler Durden, Heath Ledger’s The Joker.

Posted on July 19th, 2009 by ryan
Filed under: Uncategorized, movies