The Web Haunt of Ryan K Lindsay

I’m not looking for the leads on this one, I’m talking background gold. I want the unsung heroes that nail every episode with a single look in a scene or one line between the constant flapping of the actual stars. These are the ones that make it worthwhile sticking around and watching every episode. These are the guys working the trenches and treading the boards.

JFK clone (Christopher Miller, voice)- Clone High

This show was well under-lived. It was hilarious and JFK was one of the many reasons for that. Abe Lincoln’s clone was a great lead, but JFK stole the show each time he “I-ar-ah”ed into scene. Him teaching Gandhi how to order a “party platter-er-ah” was hilarious. I could watch a lot more of JFK as a high school douche. If only the show still aired.

Eric Moyer (Greg Germann) – Ned & Stacey

Rico is the man. He’s the perfect straight guy to the greatest acting performance Thomas Hayden Church has ever given as the eponymous Ned. Rico always looks so sad, and Ned always manages to cause and then solve that problem. Rico shows that even a lowly cubicle jockey can be someone cool, if they have a Ned behind them.

Sean Leslie Garrity (Steven Pasquale) – Rescue Me

Garrity cracks me up. He’s a good looking guy, and a fire fighter, but also a completely dimwitted moron. The stuff that comes out of his mouth always makes me laugh, but mostly it’s just his face. He’s a comical looking character and I think he’s a bloody good actor. He nails everything he has to and I’ve never been disappointed with a scene he was in.

Stringer Bell (Idriss Elba) – The Wire

There’s something about Stringer Bell that is absolutely captivating. He’s so much better looking than Avon Barksdale that I always found it hard to believe he would be the one taking orders from him. Avon always looked to me like some sort of flunkie loser who should have been dying early on in the business, with the empire slowly coming into Bell’s hands. He was the one going to school, and he was the one with the silver tongue. If I had to track Bell down I know it’d be hard because he’s as slippery as ice and twice as cool, and yeah, that’s a lame little simile, but it’s appropriate.

Marshall Flinkman (Kevin Weisman) – Alias

I dare you not to smile when Flinkman rocks the science in any episode. He is so awkwardly hilarious and bumbling that I just want to sweep him up and take him for a beer. After nearly everyone is gone and he confided to Weiss that he had visited Sark a few times out of boredom and want of the old days I laughed very hard. Not to mention that Flinkman gets to go out undercover on a few assignments, and he always dominates. I think and hope that Weisman is a good actor, surely he isn’t like Flinkman in real life.

Sgt. James Doakes (Erik King) – Dexter

Motherfucker. That’s all that needs to be said. Doakes is a bad motherfucker in the vein of Samuel L Jackson, but in no way feeling like an homage or a pastiche. Doakes just feels hardcore, and the fact his arms are practically tearing each of his little sleeved shirts every episode is testament to it. Also the fact he is the only one who can sniff out Dexter for who and what he is shows that he’s got his head on right. Doakes is a badass and I’d love to see a prequel show set around him being a trained killer and then getting out and into the police force. Shit, I’d watch a show where Doakes goes shopping and yells at people.

George Oscar ‘GOB’ Bluth (Will Arnett) – Arrested Development

Come on, you didn’t think I’d miss GOB with his four thousand dollar pants! Hilarious, it’s the only way to explain his inclusion here. He never misses. He’s one of the few times a character made up of a lot of tics actually works up the parts as more than the whole. The segue, the forget-me-now pills, the illegitimate son, the theme song, and the often attempted lame tricks. GOB is hilarious and that needs no more explaining, but if unsure, just check out his chicken dance. Pretty much changes the way live my life, and gloat over people. I also find myself singing his song from his doll Franklin. Gold all the way to the bank.

David Puddy (Patrick Warburton) – Seinfeld

I just checked and apparently Puddy is only in eleven episodes. Even more reason to give him the third billing, for he truly rocked it out in those few episodes. Puddy is iconic and will always be the man I see Elaine Benes with, even though she doesn’t want to be. It’s all about the fallback. Warburton nails this character and he’s the template for every guy forever more trying to act like a nonchalant ass to his woman. Is he awesome, yeah, that’s right.

Johnny ‘Drama’ Chase (Kevin Dillon) – Entourage

Drama is awesome not just because what he does when given the scene, but because of what he does behind the scenes, way in the background. You watch Drama wander off and stew about some off-hand comment and you know Dillon is committed to the role. He nails all of the little looks and it seems like he’s channeled years of not having a great career into the hilarious angst that rules Drama’s life. His face is his canvas and the colours are always sad, confused, and bitter. Drama’s got little luck with the ladies, but he gives so much that it almost feels bad when someone casually crushes his heart, because you know he’ll remember it forever. Also, though Ari Gold is an wickedly written and acted character something about Drama will always capture my heart.

Daniel Faraday (Jeremy Davies) – LOST

What a shock the last one comes from LOST. But seriously, Faraday is such a cool character. His name is awesome, his beard is awesome, his ideas are awesome, and he almost makes that pony/mullet awesome in the flashbacks. Faraday is a fascinating character because you really get the feeling that he’s smarter than you. Anytime he wandered on screen I knew I would be getting some crazy dialogue and concepts and that the show would only get more interesting when he was around. Faraday is here because of the character, the writing, and the actor. Sometimes it just all comes together and you know it’s good. Faraday makes me want to be a better writer, and time traveler.

In the end, I chose these guys because I’d love to see them all get their own shows. They’d be great, but more fantastic would be if they all ended up in the one show together. Doakes and Faraday (an excellent odd couple) could be using Flinkman to help track down Stringer Bell and his empire of crime that sees Johnny Drama getting about as a hanger-on that doesn’t realise how deep he is, Eric Moyer as a number cruncher that turns state’s evidence. Garrity could be his bumbling self, not realising he is dating Bell’s sister. Puddy could then come in as Flinkman’s brother-in-law and GOB would obviously be his best friend and they would actually be the ones to crack the case. JFK could be on a tv somewhere in the background, more a shout out than a recurring character.

I’d watch that show. I’d watch the absolute shit out of it.

Posted on August 25th, 2009 by ryan
Filed under: television